


What Once Was

by dyoptics



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Daehyun POV, I dont know man I cried writing this and it was like midnight, I might write a second one for youngjae, Its also a super super short drabble I'm so sorry I'll do better next time, M/M, lots of crying???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2018-09-23 15:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9664127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyoptics/pseuds/dyoptics
Summary: “I don’t want you anymore."His harsh words continued to echo in Daehyun’s mind like an ominous chant. He ran his fingers through dark locks, trembling. All the things he wanted to say were trapped behind the growing lump in his throat.





	1. What Once Was

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry. I wrote this at midnight and it was completely unedited but??????

“I don’t want you anymore." 

His harsh words continued to echo in Daehyun’s mind like an ominous chant. He ran his fingers through dark locks, trembling. All the things he wanted to say were trapped behind the growing lump in his throat as he swallowed hard, acting as if he could swallow it down too. 

Daehyun tilted his head back in an attempt to withhold his tears. However, the boy’s efforts were fruitless as they began to streak down the sides of his tanned face. His bottom lip caught between his teeth was the only thing keeping his sobs at bay. He held his breath, afraid he would break down even further. Somehow, Daehyun felt that allowing himself to cry would make his situation more real.

Eventually, he gave in with his face in his hands as the tears pooled at the base of his palms, catching his sorrow as his body shuddered. Daehyun began to taste salt as they ran down over his lips and into his mouth, unable to wipe his tears away– or maybe he just didn’t care. 

The framed picture of the two playfully poking at each other sat on Daehyun's bedside table. A painful reminder of what once was. Daehyun had half the heart to scoop it up and throw it at the wall. Instead, he sat there, painfully glaring at it through his teary vision as another sob tore its way from the back of his throat.

"I don’t love you." 

More of his former lover’s painful speech tore through the flesh of Daehyun's heart, leaving nothing but sorrow and despair in its wake. He honestly believed that this boy was the one. This boy was the one was he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

Youngjae must’ve had different ideas.


	2. What Memories Remain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Youngjae's POV

It hurt. It crushed Youngjae to subject his love, his best friend to that kind of pain. Youngjae loved him.

Regardless, he couldn’t allow Daehyun’s infatuation to go much further. Youngjae’s recent doctor’s visit left him shaken. He was sick, and getting sicker. Daehyun could see it, Youngjae was sure. He was always tired and irritable. Some days, Youngjae could hardly move off the couch. His lover stayed though, and took care of Youngjae as best as he could. Daehyun could see through Youngjae’s facade.

He was falling hard. They both were, and Youngjae felt it best to break it off quickly, before either of them got too serious. He felt his heart lurch at the memory of Daehyun’s face, twisted and contorted with disbelief and heartbreak.

“I don’t want you anymore.”

“Wh-what…?” Daehyun squeaked, hands shaking.

“I don’t love you anymore.”

Youngjae’s tears welled up in his eyes at the memory, teeth scraping at his bottom lip. No amount of steady breathing or distractions allowed Youngjae’s mind any solace though, as he soon gave in and crumbled.

He was on the floor, coughing and sputtering while his body began to quiver and tremble. Clawing at the pain in his chest, Youngjae’s sobs turned into howls. He clutched at the bed next to him with his free hand, pressing his face into the side of the spring mattress. His eyes closed as he felt himself getting lightheaded, the pain in his chest still prevalent and raging.

When his wailing quieted into muffled sobs, his breathing slow and shaky, he picked himself up off the floor long enough to fall back onto the bed. His muscles ached and his head pounded, the urge to close his eyes and succumb to sleep becoming difficult to fight.

His cellphone sang aloud a song he recognized all too well. The first song Daehyun ever sang to him pulled him out of his daze long enough to glance at the I.D. he expected to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, this is a really bad drabble but????


	3. What Will No Longer Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I edited the fic's tags a little bit, so please go take a look before reading this chapter. TW: Death

Sleep became difficult. Staying awake became difficult. Existing became difficult. He wanted to sleep his physical pain away, but the pain in his heart left him lying awake at night.

Doctor’s visits slowly came to be something Youngjae dreaded, as if he didn’t beforehand. Each one was more grim than the last, and left him feeling hopeless each time. Eventually, he stopped going all together. His fate would end the same, regardless. 

Youngjae’s time was running out. He could feel it. He could go any day now, and no one would know why. Not until they read his letter. Inside were his thoughts and his fears. Youngjae could express his loneliness and pain before he left. Yet, he couldn’t bare to bring his pen to the paper and spell out Daehyun’s name. A lump would form in his throat, tears threatening to spill over. 

No amount of sickness and pain could hurt worse than the pang he felt in his chest when he thought of Daehyun. Not just due to his feelings for him, but the pain he continued to put Daehyun through.

Before he could succumb to his loneliness and pain for the last time, Youngjae wrote the words he reread every night before he went to sleep.

Daehyun’s last words to him.

“Keep fighting. I love you.”

And his last words to Daehyun.

“This will be the last time you hurt because of me.

Goodbye.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I wasn't quite sure if I wanted a sad ending or bittersweet ending... and I opted for the sad. Thank you all for sticking with me through this!


End file.
